So, I have been a bit silent recently, and only after my blogging had just started.

The truth is, shortly after my last post, my partner and I found out that I am expecting a baby. It’s been an absolute whirlwind so far, and not enjoyable (whoever said pregnancy was magical, lied!). Don’t get me wrong, after the initial shock, we were pleasantly surprised and fully confident that we could boss this parenting thing together! We are just adult sized children most of the time anyway…

As the 3rd trimester is well underway, my symptoms only seem to be settling now (I’ve jinxed it now…) and I can finally let myself accept that in a matter of a couple of months, our daughter will be in this world with us. This thought itself is so scary, but also fills me with so much wonder and excitement – who will she look like? Will she turn out to be a good kid? Will she be as hard work as I know I was? We are effectively at the point in our lives where this will just be us (and the dog) before it all changes for the next 20 odd years.

I have posted in the past about some of my issues with anxiety, and let me tell you, pregnancy hormones do not help! I have shed many a tear over the last few months about how the dog won’t be a ‘only child’ anymore and how I can make him feel included – yes, I am aware he is ‘just a dog’, but he’s been my furbaby for the last 3 years and also been there with me through all the ups and downs I have been through. However, I know I have a good man, when he offered to build a ‘doggy bedroom’ and convert the under-stairs cupboard for our pooch so he has his space and place to chill out.

There is also a lot of anxiety over the simple things – like how do I keep a baby alive? How do I know if she’s hot or cold? What if I can’t stop her crying? What if there are complications at birth? The list goes on…. Just make sure you get yourself a good support network who will sit there and listen to you as you share your worries for the 50th time that week… Luckily I have (sorry guys!).

Oh, so the ‘pregnancy glow’… it doesn’t exist! Its more likely a sheen of sweat or clamminess that is being hidden by a tonne of make-up and highlighter as your skin resembles that of a 15-year-old teenage who hasn’t discovered face wash yet! And, as for the ‘cute baby bump’… please keep your hands to yourself… I don’t come up to you and be like ‘ohh look you have abs’ and pat your flat, toned stomach. By the way, if you have flat, toned abs, I hate you (until I get this bubba out). I miss the days when I could wear a top and not look like I’ve eaten waaayyyy to may desserts – not that I ever had flat abs to start with, but in my head I feel like I did in comparison to now.

The list can go on, but the sickness and nausea. Oh hell, it’s like a 9-month hangover (nearly). The slightest smell, noise (my partner loved to make that retching noise to set me off), jerky movement, taste, lack of taste, anything, just set me off. I had a couple of occasions where I covered myself in vomit from being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and can tell you that being sat in a minibus for 8 hours with 5 colleagues is awful when you reek, and you have only been driving for an hour…

I will end this ramble with one more observation… if you plan to have children, and haven’t already, enjoy your sleep. You will think that you will have 9 months to ‘rest and relax’… no…. your body prepares you for the sleepless nights by waking you up every hour. If it’s not for a wee, it’s because your brain has decided that its time to get up… at 3am! When you do eventually get up, you will feel like you have been on an all-night bender and the hangover symptoms will kick in. Adding insult to injury as there was never any alcohol involved.

Anyway, this is my experience so far. For those reading this that are thinking their experiences were a dream… please don’t tell me.

L x

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